Sunday, May 29, 2016

68 Years

This is my Mom right around when I was born.

She would have been 68 years old yesterday, she died when I was 13, at her own hand, at the age of 39.  

She was surely a complicated person with a very sharp wit and a fearless laugh, crazy smart, and also broken in many ways probably unfixable and now forever unknown. 

Know that It doesn't weigh heavy on me, i'm neither angry nor sad, and it rarely enters my conscious mind unless someone makes a "Mom Joke" and then I sometimes have a somewhat harsh, unexpected and hopefully funny trump card, and if you've known me for a little while, you know i've pulled that trick on you a few times. 

I thought i'd say something, as I seldom talk about it, but this most recent Mother's Day got me thinking about it, especially in light of the relationship I see between Stella and Jeannie and I. Recognizing that as short as my time with her was, it was real and dense with experiences that are still important to me. To know me is to know, in no small way, her. I hope Stella will know her through me whether she'll ever understand the specifics. I'm sure I don't see all the specifics either.

All that said, it was a choice that she made and it could have been different.

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