How've you been? I notice that lately your weather hasn't sucked too badly. Way to go!! I'm writing to ask you to please keep your weather reasonable and mild for the next several weeks. I have three reasons for asking:
1. My sister, who lives within your borders, will be having her baby very soon. I want the roads to be clear of snow and ice to ensure safe passage for her and this baby, who is certain to do amazing things.
2. I will be visiting you at some point in the next several weeks to spend time with my sister and this miracle baby. I want safe, clear roads during this time.
3. My mother and my brother-in-law's mom will both be making similar visits. Again, I want safe, clear roads for them.
Now, Nebraska, don't take this the wrong way. You have many wonderful things going for you. Like...you have a nice zoo. Your recently-retired Senator, Chuck Hagel, seems like a pretty decent guy. You have more hills than one might expect from a state located on the Great Plains. And I understand your steaks are supposed to be quite delicious. However, your ability to maintain clear, safe roadways during snowy and icy weather leaves something to be desired. Of course, Nebraska, you have every right to decide whether it's worth taxing your residents to pay for snowplows and salt and the like. I'm not trying to tell you how to keep your house. I merely ask that you keep this current, non-snowy and non-icy weather going for a while so I and the people I love can fully appreciate your otherwise exemplary highway and road system.
Oh, and Nebraska? As long as I'm making suggestions - and really, I'm just blue-skying at this point - what if your lovely restaurants had vegetarian options for food outside of Gardenburgers and cheese pizza? Is that crazy? Just thinking out loud here.
I really look forward to seeing you soon and catching up, Nebraska. It's been a while.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009